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  • B. Singleton

He's Intentional ( And I'm so grateful!)

Triggered. I opened Facebook and intended to just scroll. But a memory halted me...sending me down a hole of emotions I didn't like feeling. You see, the person I found myself looking at this particular morning was no longer with us on Earth. She had gone home to glory after a rough battle with depression and suicidal thoughts.

Why was I so affected...both now when I saw the memory and back when it actually took place? Because that same battle raged in me...both then ....and honestly, still now. It had been a year and those still thoughts tormented me from time to time. And I felt ashamed...I felt alone. I felt like I was in a losing battle. I felt like I was drowning in waves of emotions I hated feeling.

I tried praying...but at the moment it felt as if all the emotions were loud...so loud that they drowned out everything else. So I texted a friend...one who I knew was working but would still help me. Within 15 minutes she had returned a text with heavy hitting questions. My first reaction was to isolate myself...and just ignore the text. But I started it and I know I needed to continue the process. And so I answered her questions...honestly, although tearful.

Her next question didn't get any easier for me. Shame was calling my name loudly. I wanted to give into it. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to act as if I never reached out to her in the first place. So, I lied. But immediately after I hit send, I felt a holy nudge. "You reached out for help...if you lie about what is going on in you, you can't get help...and then shame wins." Then I had to give the actual answer to the question posed.

Next, I grew silent as my friend just poured into me.

"Taking you out of the equation...Who is God? What is He capable of? Consider who God is separate and apart from anything pertaining to you...

If He is indeed the God of the universe, the One who spoke the worlds into existence, who measures the universe in the span of His hand...the One who knelt down to form us from the dirt of the earth...the One who hears our prayers and collects our tears... the One who knows the depths of our hearts and still says that we are His...

If that is the God that we say we believe in...then we can trust that He is able and that He will take care of us. The lineage of His own Son came through that of liars, cheaters, murderers, adulterers, prostitutes and only He knows what else...There is nothing so broken that He can not heal."

What a pep talk , right!?! But can I say honestly I still put my phone down still in my feelings. I went throughout the rest of the day meditating on those things.

Fast forward quite a few hours later. I had a coaching call with my coach from UHP (shout out to United House Publishing). We talked about my progress with my current book's publishing process. Then my coach asked me "what do you want people to leave with after reading anything you write?". I sat thoughtful for a few seconds. But after after meditating on God's goodness through what my friend sent, the answer came easily. I responded that I want people to read my work and be reminded of or learn about the intentionality of God.

You see, as I responded, so many thoughts came to my mind from the previous days of work...thoughts about lessons we covered in science. Did you know the our human bodies have about 400 olfactory receptors in our noses that allow us to smell over 10,000 odor combinations? Have you thought about the process in which it takes for our eyes to see? Or have you thought about the number of neurotransmissions that take place in our bodies on any given day? Those things speak to the intentionality of our Heavenly Father. God has purpose for every single person born on this Earth. Because I woke up this morning, I can believe God has a purpose for my life. Because God saw fit for me to keep breathing, I can know that there is a reason why I am still alive. God doesn't make a life for sport....so if there is life, there is purpose!

I once shared in a lifegroup that my greatest desire is to bring every dream God has given me to fruition. I know that it's not all on me to make that happen. I have to be a willing participant as God leads and speaks. I am grateful for God's intentionality because He continues to bring that statement back to my remembrance.

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